You don't realize it, but every time you begin a new friendship, a new relationship or any kind of human commitment, you sign an imaginary contract saying that you have given a piece of your heart to that other person, and if that friendship, relationship, or commitment were to end, that same piece of your heart would be left with that person, for the rest of the lives. At least, thats how I am starting to view it.
As you grow older, you begin to realize that every time you meddle with love, you take a risk. But in the moment you don't notice it. You subconsciously decide to overrule the warning of the risk your taking in building up that friendship, relationship, or commitment. You don't count the cost, or look at the long term effects or outcomes of it.
My point is, I don't think your supposed to know.
You're not supposed to know that it was going to break your heart, you're not supposed to know how much it was going to wreck your life, you're not supposed to know you left a huge impact on that person's life, but now you're moving on. We were not mean't to know everything in this life, and what things were mean't for. I think that's God's grace and mercy on our lives, in not allowing us to know everything before it happens, otherwise we would try to avoid pain as much as possible. But thanks be to God's grace and mercy at work in our lives, we are allowed to experience pain and suffering in order that we grow. I have always been fascinated with paradox's and one of the biggest one's that baffles me to this day is found in Romans 5,
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5 NIV)
In our suffering, it produces joy. In our pain, it produces growth. Sounds like a speech at the gym, "No pain, no gain." Yet that saying is so true. The way to life is through dying, just like a seed physically dies before it bears fruit to the roots of the strong tree it will be one day.
So what makes a heart so different?
Nothing really, you're heart is a muscle. Therefore it needs to be exercised, and the only way to exercise it is to love others. Care for others, experience things with others. Give others your time, your feelings, your mind. So how come it hurts when a friendship, relationship or commitment ends? I don't think I have the answer, but I want to at least try to understand it.
Take note of v.5 "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."
Whoa. Is anyone else in shock like I am?
If you are a true follower of Jesus Christ, you have God's love inside your soul, at the ready to be shared, given, spilt on others. Doesn't that just make you want to go out and love all the more? I sure would hope so, but after that initial awe of that illumination of the Word, I find myself retreating back to the walls I have built around my heart from being so hurt in the past. You think "no one actually wants or needs God's love anymore" or "Gods love is too good for people to accept it so why should I try". I feel we need to be reminded of the very beginning of the entire history of humanity.
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27
We are made in the image of God himself, we were meant to be relational, we were mean't to be in communion with one another. That's why a little later in Chapter 2, it describes God saying that ,“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18). He loved man so much that He created a partner for man, so that He would never face being alone. The very Holy Trinity that has eternally existed since eternity past to eternity future, has been the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, living in perfect union all parts of a perfect whole, and He decided to make man a partner so that we could feel community.
AH. (Sorry eureka moment x10).
That's why when someone decides to cut a relationship, friendship, a contract, a marriage, man does it cut deep. The natural sense of loneliness sets in and you begin to feel nauseous at the thought of not being with that person, anymore. Its that EXACT feeling, I believe that Jesus felt when He was on the cross, alone without the Father,
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
In that moment, he was separated from the Father, the divine and perfect communion, and a "piece of heart" was ripped from Him. A piece that He could never get back, after feeling what no human will ever have to feel. I am so thankful to the Lord, our hearts can and do heal, they do mend back together, by other relationships, other friends, other people that He puts in our lives. But that piece of your heart that you left to the other person will always be there. You don't know why, you don't know what its for, why you went with that person for a short period, for a long time, for all time, but it'll always be there. It'll never go away, and I think that realization is the first step in acknowledge that it actually had a purpose.
That it wasn't a waste.
You may never find out why, or what the purpose on your side, but for the other person they will look back and know why. Or it may be the opposite, you'll find out why and they might never, but nonetheless it served a purpose. We aren't supposed to know everything. There's a beautiful freedom that you get when you realize that statement, and only then you begin to realize, your free to love anyone and everyone you meet, no matter what the risk is or ever will be.
God risked it all, for you and me. He put all His eggs in the precious basket of His son Jesus Christ, and poured out all His wrath, judgement and anger on LOVE Himself. Yet Love triumphed and reigns in our hearts to this day. And we can have that hope to be reunited with Love one day again, and be in perfect communion with Love Himself, like it has always been in the lives of the one's we've left a piece of our heart's with.
I hope this post has blessed you and challenged you think, feel free to leave a comment, this will be part of an ongoing regular summer schedule of blog posts. I have a few posts ready but feel free to let me know if you want me to write about anything you like or care about. Blessings.